“We need our own receipts”

Yesterday, I diemed with the incredible Abadesi Osunsade, Founder of Hustle Crew, about the art of knowing your worth and asking for it. From our conversations, this quote really stuck with me:

“Women have internalized so much oppression that we negotiate ourselves down before telling anyone else our number.”

A lot of people ask me about how I personally negotiate and I never have concrete advice to give, as my actual worth is something I still feel painfully uncomfortable acknowledging. I’m generally confident, but I often surprise myself at how stumped I become when trying to articulate my value (whether that’s the cost of my time or ideas). But listening to Aba speak so openly — and candidly — about negotiation in this conversation has truly changed the way I think about personal worth.

During our conversation, Aba shared a salary negotiating experience she had with a startup a few years back, where she used negotiation tips her (cis, white, male) friend gave her. The tactics worked wonders for him, but when she used them, the startup accused her of “not being a team player.” Since then, she’s developed the following the negotiating tactics that do work for her:

1. Start a “Yay” folder. Aba keeps a folder of professional compliments she’s received, achievements she’s proud of, and milestones she’s reached. Why? “We need our own receipts.”
2. Make professional allies. “Like it or not, we still live in a world where most executives are probably going to be men.” The more allies you have across your team and industry, the easier it will be to get ahead.
3. Get uncomfortable. If you’re incredibly uncomfortable while throwing out numbers that make your head swirl, you’re doing it right.

While I’m inspired by Aba’s acute ability to value herself, she was also inspired by someone else: Cindy Gallop. Gallop is the founder and CEO of MakeLoveNotPorn and an all-around badass when it comes to business. After hearing Gallop speak a few years ago, Aba was blown away by her approach to negotiating, which is to ask for the most ludicrous number she can think of without bursting into laughter. Aba has employed that strategy ever since and is now “more willing than ever to ask for a ridiculous amount of money.” At the end of the day, it’s a much better tactic than low-balling yourself, which ultimately stems from our fear of rejection and a scarcity mindset.

I think there’s something really powerful here. Cindy passed her negotiating wisdom on to Aba, Aba passed that advice over to me (and fellow Diemers), and now I want you to have the knowledge too (please pass it on!). This chain of conversation is, quite literally, why we built Diem — to have a central place for these candid conversations to happen more frequently.

So from here on out, whenever I’m in a negotiation, I promise to make myself feel painfully uncomfortable asking for exactly what I know I’m worth, because frankly, we all need more money. Will you join me?

This article originally appeared in Diem’s weekly newsletter on Jan 20th 2022, subscribe here.